If there were a list of things that I most hated in the world, this would be at the top. Clapping, jeering, whooping, exclaiming or generally making any unnecessary noise in the cinema, should be banned. I don't agree with capital punishment, but if did (and of course assuming it was possible to do away with clapping) I would have it beheaded, injected, beaten to death...or whatever it is they do nowadays.

Clapping at the theatre is acceptable, appreciative (and appreciated I'm sure) and understandable. On a mild summer's evening, or any evening for that matter, its often quite exciting to go to the theatre to watch, for example; the Northern Ballet Company or maybe an obscure play (that only the pseudo-intellectuals in the audience will actually enjoy) or possibly an acclaimed musical theatre piece, you saw advertised in the local paper.

Here, clapping is allowed. You are happy in the knowledge that you didn't waste a tenner and appreciative for the performance (or at least because you appreciate the amount of work that was put in even if it was, in your opinion, rubbish). Clapping in the theatre is a deep-rooted tradition.

Or let's say, it's a cold, rainy and to be honest completely miserable Saturday but you're in the best mood ever...yeah! because you're going to see your football team playing a home game at St James' Park (apologies to those who don't support Newcastle United). During the game there is a strong possibility you may shout, curse, chant, clap, roar - because at least there are people to appreciate your love of the game; players to be encouraged by your rallying cheers and fellow supporters to shout along with you, to those chants, which, lets be honest, no one really knows the words to.

Alternatively, its seven o'clock and you've been waiting all day to see your favourite band playing at Shepherds Bush, so you go along with a group of mates, all carrying banners and "We love you!" signs, two hours early because god forbid you're not stood right at the front when, even then, there is very little chance you will be noticed. You're hysterical, you're a madwoman possessed, because you're about to listen to the songs you've played again and again....live! You shout, clap and scream the band's name until even you feel, just a little bit, stupid.

Even this...insanity; girls throwing up, crying, fainting and being carted off to hospital, is more acceptable than clapping in the cinema!

To those of you who are guilty of clapping at the cinema, shame on you! What is it that makes you want to clap? What is it that makes you tick? I want to know! I want to hear from you! Surely, you must be aware that there is no person actually present there who can take credit for the film you have just seen, and so obviously adored (darling).

(This article dismisses films seen at premieres or any place where someone either from the said film or involved directly/indirectly with the film such as a director or member of the crew is present).

I am as much of a film lover as the next person and I love to go to the cinema, but in all honestly my visits have become less enjoyable as audiences (obviously this does not apply to all) start to enjoy the film, in my opinion, a little too much. Audiences are gradually becoming overemotional and overdramatic, when did this happen? I go to the cinema to watch the film, not to listen to other people's opinions and reactions to it.

Note to the Clappers: The next time you take a trip to the cinema, for those others that suffer from cineclapahobia, please, refrain.