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Santa : Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Bunta : I give up.

Santa : Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music

Jasmeet : "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband Santa."
Judge : "But why ?"
Jasmeet : "Because he is not faithful to me."
Judge : "How do you know ?"
Jasmeet : "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

Jasmeet : "What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?"

Santa : looking at her from head to toe
replied: "I like your sense of Humor

Santa in Intensive care unit

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care unit ward, put in a bed tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

Santa and Banta got lost at the mall. So they go to the map, where they see a red arrow that says:

YOU ARE HERE Santa looks at the Banta and exclaims:

"WoW! How do they know that?"

Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.

"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.

He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ....."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!"

Santa once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another. Following was the steps followed by him.

1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.

2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.

3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he wanted to copy that file.

4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option!!

Banta, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, Hi there... what are you doing carrying a glass of water through the desert?

The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. What are you doing? asked the rancher again.

As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.

Finally our Banta appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, Hey, why are you dragging that car door?

Well, he said, I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window.

One day santa went with his wife preeto to a clinic, the doctor took the patient (preeto) inside the consultation room.

Preeto: Doctor please call your nurse inside!

Doc: Why you have no faith in me or What??

Preeto: No doctor, It's not like that, I have no faith in my husband!!

Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too

Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Jasmeet : " What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"

Santa : " Golfing with friends, my dear."
Jasmeet : " What? At 2 am?"

Santa : " Yes, We used night clubs."

Santa enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Jasmeet observes the whole episode.
Again he comes and does the same stuff.
Jasmeet askes, " Why are you doing this?
Santa replies, " Doctor told to check sugar level regularly".

Have you heard of Mr. Santa Singh applying to a medical school to become a doctor?




Needless to say he never made it. You know why?

These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.

Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section - a district in Rome.
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - neck of a crow.
Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.
Fake labour - pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.
Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/well known.
Labour pain - hurt at work.
Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.
Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins - in favor of teens.
Pulse - grain.
Pus - small cat.
Red blood count - Dracula.
Secretion - hiding anything.
Tablet - small table.
Ultrasound - radical noise.

Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh

Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... nothing more


Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee


Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.


Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.


Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.


Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.


Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.


Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.


Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.


Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.


Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.


Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.


Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.


Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.

The Suicide Bomber


Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.

He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?

Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.

Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?

Boss: Wait for more.

Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 150 soldiers, can I suicide now?

Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.

Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest!

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with.

A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.

A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.

'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

Once our own Santa Singh and Gopi, a Keralite were walking down a forest.

Suddenly, a tiger jumps out of the forset and heads towards them. The keralite shows smartness and throws some sand into the tigers eyes and Runs up the nearest tree to safety.

But Santa had not moved a muscle. Nair yells "Santa Ji, whaat are you doing? Come up the tree if you want to save yourself!!"

Santa says " Oye!!! I didnt throw sand in its eyes. You did."

A girl proposed Santa and he denied her simply saying that in our family, we only maary our relatives.

My mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi , my uncle married my aunt and so on. So please excuse me !!!!!

Santa and Banta were walking on a hill
suddenly Santa fell down a deep hole.

Banta: Are you ok?
Santa: Fine thanks!

Banta: Did you break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here!

Banta singh called his friend, Santa singh, and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

Santa said, "Send her some flowers, and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal."

Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman.

The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.

Banta: "It was a flop idea."
Santa: "Didn't the girl come to your house?"
Banta: "She did, but she refused to cook!"

Sardar Santa Singh goes to a Udipi hotel to have something to eat. He orders for Masala Dosa. The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see that Santa eats only the masala leaving the dosa behind.

Santa then orders for 1 plate Samosa. Again this time the waiter notices that Santa eats only the filling and not the shell. Waiter is very curious.

Santa next orders for Batata Vada. This time around also Santa eats only the filling and leaves the shell behind.

The Waiter is losing his patience and walking upto Santa asks him,"Sardarji, aap dish kay undar kaa hee cheez kyoun khaa rahey hou, kya baaki cheez pasand nahin aaya..?"

Santa Singh says, Arey bhaiyya, aisee baat nahin. Humaari tabbiyat kuch theek nahin isliye doctor ney kaha ki baahar ka cheez mat khaya karou...

Santa Singh was visiting his friend Banta, who had recently acquired two new dogs, he asked him what the dogs names were. Banta said that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Santa said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered Banta. "They're watch dogs!"

Santa was visiting his son who was in America for the very first time.


Santa was at a Local Food store going up and down the aisles with his son.

Santa asked, "What is this?
Santa's son, "Powdered orange juice"

Santa a bit confused, "Powdered orange juice?"
Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice."

A few minutes later, in a different aisle Santa asked again, "And what is this?

Son, "Powdered milk"
Santa, "Powdered milk??"

Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!"

A few minutes later, in a different aisle...

Santa, "And give a look here!! Baby Powder !! What a country, What a country!"

Santa asks banta: why do u prefer prepaid connection over postpaid?

Banta: prepaid mein bahut faida hai, isme call ke baad bill badhne ki bajaye kam hota hai...

Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.

The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.

The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.

The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?

Santa says, "Oh sure."

The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground."

The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"

Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"

A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up his car, he was told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. He went to the service department and found a mechanic, Mr. Santa Singh working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.

As the customer watched from the passenger's side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.

"Hey," he announced to the technician, "It`s open!"

"I know," answered Santa.- "I already got that side."

Once Santa's boss calls up Santa on phone and asks him to come to his office.

Santa goes to boss office.


Boss say's "Come in Santa, today I will teach you a new thing"

Santa is bit confused.

Boss say's putting his hand on the table "See the top of my palm, take a good aim & hit it hard".

Santa looks still more confused and as per boss instructions rolls his fist, takes a good aim and punches hard. Boss removes his hand in split of sec & poor Santa's fist crahes onto the top of table and boss says the Moral of the story is be alert and think before what you do.

"Ouch" groan's Santa in pain.

Santa goes home, calls his son "Come here I will teach a new thing"

His son comes.

Santa covers his face with the bottom of his palm, ask's his son to roll up his fist, take a good aim and punch his face, his son does as per his father's saying.

Santa removes his hand in split of sec and the rest is history.

Santa meets Banta shopping at the mall and sees he has a small gift wrapped box.

"It's my wife Preeto's birthday tomorrow." Banta said. "Last week I asked her what she wanted for her birthday."

"And ?" Santa asked.

"Well, she said 'Oh, I don't know - just give me something with diamonds in it'."

"So what did you get her?" asked Santa.

Banta replies, "I bought her a deck of cards!"

After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his own practice.

He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the Tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.

Finally he said

Battery is Ok !!!

I'm scared," Banta said to one of his friends. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd

break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."

"Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."

"Easy for you to say."

"You like her that much?" the friend asks.

"It's not that," declared Banta. "He didn't sign his name!"

This is the story of Santa Singh and Banta Singh, Both of them got bored of using mobiles........

Santa : Boss enough mobile use

Banta: Yes yaar they are taking money from us like anything.

Santa: How we can communicate without mobile yaar.
Banta : Yaar we will keep pigeons and through them we will send our messages.

We will tie our chits to their legs. So they kept pigeons and Santa singh first sent one pigeon to Banta singh.

The pigeon reached Banta's house but Banta was not able to find any messages tied.

Banta to Santa : What yaar pigeon reached in time but I was not able to find the message attached to it.

Santa Are Yaar That was a missed call I sent to you.

Santa's father comes home from his doctor and, though usually quite active with his grand-children, seems to make every effort to avoid them this day.

Santa notices his dad avoiding the kids and asks him why this is so.

Immediately the old man whisks his medicine prescription out of his pocket and hands it to Santa.

His father said, "Read that label. That's why!"

Santa takes the bottle and reads, "Take two pills a day. KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN."

Santa and Banta sitting in the bar at an Airport in Amritsar.

"I've come to meet my brother," said Santa. "He's due to fly in from Canada in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years."

"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the Banta.

"I'm sure I won't," said Santa, "after all, he's been away for a long time."

"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said Banta.

"Of course he will," said Santa. "Sure, I haven't been away at all."

Once Santa Singh invites an Englishman for lunch, there was curd kept on the table.

The Englishman asks santa what is it?

Santa Singh not knowing english replies, "Milk sleeping in night and morning becoming tight".

Santa came with preeto to the railway station. He asked the guard which was the train in front of him, Guard said public.

Santa asked the question for all the trains that came.

For one of the trains when the gaurd said 'mail train', he quickly climbed on and said to preeto "I am going in the 'male' train you come in the 'female' train.

Santa Singh is at the railway station. He asks a man "When will Rajdhani Express go from here?"
Man Replies 12.30.

"When will Deccan Queen go from here?"
Man Replies 11.30.

"When will Punjab Express go from here?"
Man Replies 10.30.

Santa singh goes on asking about all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not. Santa replies, "No I just want to cross the tracks!"

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, the local farmer Santa Singh came to help with his big strong female horse named Dhanno.

He hitched Dhanno up to the car and yelled, "chal, Rani, chal!" Dhanno didn't move.

Then Santa hollered, "chal, Savitri, chal !" Dhanno didn't respond.

Once more Santa commanded, "chal, Chameli, chal!" Nothing.

Then Santa nonchalantly said, "chal, Dhanno, chal!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked Santa why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

Santa said, "Oh, Dhanno is blind and if she thought she was the only one pulling, she wouldn't even try!"

Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates.

One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, "Why are you outstanding! Please income."

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singhwas singing a song.

After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside downand started singing again.

Banta Singh : Santa Singh what is the matter with you? Why are youhanging upside down?

Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.

Santa was invited for dinner by a friend.

Every time he needed something,

he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "Darling", "Sweet-heart", etc. etc.

His friend looked at him and said,
"That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."

Bill replied, "Well, honestly speaking, I've just forgotten her name."