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This joke is Ultimate

This is when Amitabh Bachan got fit after his long illness..... one fine morning he told his drvier "Arre bhai aaj Gaadi hum chalayenge..".
Driver: "Par saab aapki tabyat?.."
Amitabh: "Aree meri tabyat thik ho gayi he, I am fit and fine...kya dance karke dikhau, dialogue, fighting kare dikhau.....Hain" Ok
then he starts driving the car very fast.... zoooooooooom breaks one red signal......... breaks second red signal.......... breaks on more red signal........... . . . . . . Then a traffic hawaldar stops the car, tells the driver to move the car to the roadside.
Hawaldar: "Chalo liscence dikhao, puc, gaadi ke kagjaaat..." Sees Amitabh and says, "are Amitabh Bachhan?!!!" he is verysuprised to see him....... Then he quickly on wireless calls his senior officers....
Hawaldar: "Sir, aap jaldi yaha aye naake par..."
Sir: "Kyun kya hua??"
Havaldar: "Sir ek gaadi ne signal toda he aur maine us gaadi ko side me rakha he" Sir: "To phir?"
Hawaldar: "SIr, Us gaadi ka maalik bahut bada aadmi he sir .... mein uska challan nahi phaad sakta aap khud yaha aiye ..
" Sir: "KON MAALIK HE US GAADI KA??" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

HAWALDAR : "WOH TO PATA NAHI SIR PAR USNE NE HE NA SIR ... AMITABH BACHHAN KO DRIVER RAKHA HAI....".

Bholaji's Prayer To God

Bholaji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto(lottery)".

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Bholaji goes back to the temple..................... "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Bholaji still has no luck!!

Back to the temple.................. "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and Bholaji is confronted by the
voice of God
"Bholaji, buy a damn lottery ticket first".

Windows 2000 - Hindi Version

Bill Gates was in India a few days ago.
He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Hindi.
Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in the Hindi version of...
Khidkiyan 2000:
Phaail = File
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Paas se dhekho = Zoom
Duur se dhekho = Zoom Out
Kholo = Open
Bandh Karo = Close
Naya = New
Khatara = Old
Badli Karo = Replace
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Kaapi = Copy
Kaato = Cut
Kato = Stupid Houseguest
Chipkao = Paste
Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special
Goli Maaro = Delete
Nazaara = View
Hathiyaar = Tools
Hathiyaar Khambha = Toolbar
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aata = Database
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Ped = Tree
Thooso = Compress
Chooha = mouse
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar.Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar
Cheers !

Application Form For Politicians

Application Form To Be Filled For Contesting Indian Elections

----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Name of Candidate : _______________________
2. Present Address
(i) Name of Jail : _______________________
(ii) Cell Number : _______________________

3. Political Party : _______________________
(List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological (Order)

4. Sex: [ ]
A - Male
B - Female
C - Mayawati

5. Nationality: [ ]
A - Italian
B - Indian

6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A - Defected
B - Expelled
C - Bought out
D - None of above
E - All of above

7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A - To make money
B - To escape court trial
C - To grossly misuse power
D - To serve the public
E - I have no clue
(if you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognized
Government Psychiatrist)
8. How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A - 1-2 yrs
B - 2-6yrs
C - 6-15yrs
D - 15+yrs

9. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as
many
Additional Sheets as you want)
10. How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question 8)
A - 1-2 years
B - 2-6 years
C - 6-15 years
D - 15+years

11. Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A - Why not
B - Of Course
C - Definitely
D - I deny it all
E - I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A - 100-500 Crores
B - 500-1000 Crores
C - Overflow...
(Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
A - No
B - No
C - No
D - No

14. Describe your achievements in space provided: [_________]

Thumb Impression of candidate
(Not that of the person who filled the form)

Cheap Sahib Ji

A rich widower miser went back to India and married a young village girl. The girl did not like his hugging and kissing all the time. He thought of a scheme to teach his wife not to hate his American life style.

He bought a piggy bank and told his wife that every time he kisses or hugs her, he will put a rupee coin in the piggy bank and at the end of month she can open the bank and buy a new saree with the money.

The scheme worked very well. The young wife showed more willingness to be kissed and hugged. At the end of the month he gave her the key and told his wife to open the piggy bank.

What he saw did not please him. There were many 5 and 10 rupee bills along with rupee coins in the box. Where did these come from he demanded angirly. I've been putting only rupee coins. Not everyone is as kanjoos as you replied the wife.

Santa and Banta Singh rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, 'What did you find in your sack?'

'Ten lakh Rupees!'

'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'

'I bought a house. How about your sack?'

'Bah... it was full of bills.'

'And what did you do with them?'

'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...'

If Windows Were In Punjabi

If windows were to be in Punjabi, then you would be using the following commands on your computer:

Send = Sutto
Insert = Wich Paao
Attachement = Naal Laao
Edit = Sidda Karo
View = Waikhee Jaao
Forward = Aggay Sutto
Inbox = Undar Da Daak Khaana
Outbox = Baar Da Daak Khana
Trash = Mitti Paao
Sent Items = Bheji Gayee Dak
Address Book = Patay Wali Kaapy
Reply = Bejan Walay Nu Jawab do
Reply All = Saareyaan Nu Jawab do
Delete = Daffa Karo
Download = Thallay Laao
Download All = Saary Cheezan Noon Thallay Laao
Properties = Jaidaad
Connect = Naal Milaao
Fonts = Likhaai
Accounts = Galla
Drafts = Chitheeyaan
Find = Labbo
Paste = Thook Naal Chipkaao
From = Bhejan Walaa Banda
To = Door Betha Hoya Banda
Subject = Khaas Gall
Carbon Copy = Koelay Walee Naqal
Blind Carbon Copy = Anni Koelay Walee Naqal
Stationery = Pensal, Rubburd, Shaapnar
Folders = Bastey
High priority = Waddee Takleef

and finally

Ctrl+Alt+Delete = Sara Syapa Mukaao..
__________________

One Bengali Babu went to Cannought Place in New Delhi to purchase an umbrella. He had been told in Calcutta that one could bargain for better prices in Delhi also. Bengali Baboo: How much does this umbrella cost?

Shopkeeper: Rs. 200

Bengali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 100?

Shopkeeper: Ok I'll give it to you for Rs.150.

Bangali Babu: Well can I have it for Rs. 75 then?

Shopkeeper: OK, take it for Rs. 100.

Bangali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 50?

Ths shopkeeper is pretty angry now: Why don't you take it for free??!!

Bengali Babu: OK, can I have two of them?

LA LOO JOKES

* What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ?
La loo

* Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the
security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs"
and moved on...

* Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las
Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could
you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo
immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.

* Laloos family planning policy..
"Don't have more than two children in one year"

* At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,
SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

* After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.
To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of
buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for
the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS
THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"

* Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business
Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with
Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years
and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was
very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated "Give me
three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"

* A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"
"Marriage"

Mr. Boolywood's Letter

Beti No1

Boht Burra Ghur
Uckle Tikaney Town
Mainghi C District

Mr `Deewana Mastana`

Thank you for your love letter.
However I feel `Hud Kurr De Aapne` for `Hum Aapke Hai Kaun`? `Dil Chahta Hai` I should tell
you I think you`re a `Jaanwar`` and a `Shree 420`! I have to tell you I know your `Mohabatein` are
false.

Who gave you the right to think you`re my `Sajaan` and I`m your `Chandini`. How dare you look at me you `Coolie No1`! If you were here in front of me I`d hit you with my chapple so hard
your head will spin with these `Yaadein`.

You said `Kuch Kuch Hota Hai` every time you think of me. But I know you feel `Haseena
Maan Jayegee` to every girl you see. `Ram Jaane` what I`ll do to you if I catch you. If you have any `Khauf` you will feel `Durr` from me.

You`re a `Kunwara` leading a `Rangeela` lifestyle, with friends saying `Chal Merey
Bhai`. Spending all your nights on the `Sarak`. I`m sure the `Sholay` in your heart you say burn for me.
Is nothing but indigestion from too much eating and drinking!

Describing yourself as `Baadshah`, and `Himmutvar`, you sound like a `Jungli` to me. You say
you want to make me your `Biwi No1` however I say you lack `Insaniyaat`! I can`t believe
you think I`ll turn to you and say `Kaho Na Pyar Hai`! I`d much rather kiss a `Bichoo` than go
near you!

Any of `Amer Akbar Anthony` would be better suited to me than you. `Dil Wale Dhunyah Ley
Jayengey` you said, but I say your `Dil to Pagal Hai`!

Don`t` you realise that `Andaz Upna Upna` and that their can`t be no `Rishta` between us. We are like a `Mohra` in the game of life. And it`s always `Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham`. The open
`Fiza` with its changing weather is testament to that.

So please leave it as `Akeyle Hum Akeyle Tum`. Besides I`m already engaged to a guy with `Roti Kapra or Makaan`. And he`s no `Khal Nayak` like you. He`s my real `Hero`. My real `Jivan
Saathi`. And with him I really know `Yeah Raaste Hai Pyar Ka`. And there can be no space in
my `Zindagi` for anyone but him. You`ll only end up causing an `Aflatoon`, because he`s
a `Major Sahib` in the Army working on the `Border` and he`ll kill you if he finds out.

So save yourself from becoming the foundations of a `Deewar` and leave me alone.

14 Million Pakistanis

Vajpayee (indian minister) and George Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
The barman says "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"

Bush replies, "We're planning World War III" And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy looks at them in amazement and exclaims," A bicycle repairman?!!! Why him?"

So Vajpayee turns triumphantly to Bush and says with great glee, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

Bollywood Nazara Quiz

Q. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
A. TAILOR ( darzi )

Q. SITA RAM HAI .... TO SITA KAUN HAI
Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

Q. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.
why ?? why ?? :-)
A. Tendulkar is an opener

Q. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?
A. Dil Chhata ( Umbrella) Hai!

Q. Wohh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
Socho socho ....
A. aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

Q. What will! u call a person who is leaving India??
Socho...............
A. Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

Q. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya
tha...................................?
A. adidas

Q. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv fells into the well.
Why ?
A. Because Luv is blind!!!!!

Q. Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?
A. OK lot's of head scratching done.
Answer is... Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
Want one more...

Q. Jackie Chan ki saas ( mother in law ) ka naam kya hai?..
nahi pata..??
A. D'Cold
chain ki saans - D'cold
chalo ab batao...
Q. Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?
this is quite simple..
A. D'Cold again how come ?? kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi :O))))))))))))

Q. Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the.
Bus aayi - Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon?
A. Because Mayuri 'can - go'.

Ek aur.....

Q. Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon??
think harder...
A.Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha...

Q. Ek aur muaka de hi dete hain tumhe ..... kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai
why???

A. Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL ( soap advertisement) !!!!!

aur chhaiye...theek hai

Q. Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus estop pe khade the... bus aai aur Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti Kapoor nahin jata
Qyo???
A. Qyonkieeeeeee woh Shakti Kapoor dusri bus ke wait kar raha tha

aakhri sawaal

Q. Amitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the... bus aai aur Pran chad jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata
Qyo???
A. b/s pran jaye per bacchan na jaye
aab kya...

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the clerk on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the boss told the clerk it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file.

After more than 30 minutes the clerk appears all tired and panting for breath.

The Boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay.

The clerk replies, 'Boss when I went to the lift it said 'during an emergency please use the staircase'!!!

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
eating beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told
him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by
a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and before I knew

it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and
led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was
about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to
touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the
room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink

was worse than oked=20cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few
more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on
it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been
the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking
so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I nearly died!

For my Gujju Friends, No offence please, just jokes!!

A Gujju Spesal !

Q) Why did George Bush had the gujju beaten?
A) The gujju told George Bush "You are an IMPOTENT man"

Q) Why won't the gujju jeweler sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A) The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju
asked for KESH.

Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
(in case of one)
A) Tomato KETCHUP.

Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome ?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.

Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see BIG BEHN.

Q) What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro STATES ma
gayon" ?
A) Ramesh's son failed in statistics...

Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams ?
A) He wanted to get "cent-par-cent" .

Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.

Q) What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A) You are going from BED To VERSE.

Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?
A) They named it Rho Beta Rho.

Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch "GANDHI"?
A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits.

Q) Why did the gujju think Gandhi was acted by a woman in "GANDHI"?
A) They read Ben( behn) Kingsley did the acting.

10 Humorous Definations!
Women: Person who thinks more with their heart than with their head.
Experience: What you will get while looking for something else.
Zoo: A place advice for animals to study the habits of human beings.
Adam: The only man in the world who couldn't say," Pardon me, haven't I seen you before?"
Dentist: A person who extracts both your teeth and money.
Bald: When one has less hair to comb and more face to wash.
Death: Stop sinning suddenly.
Neighbour: A person who is out of something.
Smile: A small curve that solve big problems.
Kitchen: Final laboratory of housewife.[/b]

A wizard joke
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!

A wizard joke
What kinds of wizards have their eyes closest together?
The smallest ones!

A wizard joke
Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath!

A wizard joke
What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back again!

A witch joke
Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
That's the time to go to sweep!

A wizard joke
What happened when the wizard met the witch?
It was love at first fright!

A witch joke
When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
When your a mouse!

A wizard joke
How do you keep a wizard in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow...!

A witch joke
Who went into a witche's den and came out alive?
The witch!

A witch joke
What is a witches favourite magazine?
The witch report!

A witch joke
What did the young witch say to her mother?
Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

A witch joke
What's the best advice you can give to a witch on a broomstick?
Don't fly off the handle!

A witch joke
Who turns the lights off at halloween?
The light's witch!

A witch joke
Whats the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin?
Ever tried broomstick pie?
!

A wizard joke
What do you call a wizard from outer space?
A flying sorcerer!

What is a smart Malayalee called?
Debo-nair.

What is a dynamic malayalee called ?
Pheno-Menon.

Why did the malayalee crossed the road ?
Simbly.

What did one Bengali voyeur ask another?
Keyhollo.

How was wire invented?
Two marwaris spotted the same coin.

Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.

Why is India a banana republic?
Because Rajiv keeps chanting, "Hame ye banana hai, wo banana hi

What is a communist Sindhi called?
Lalwani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor called?
Thadani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the 17th. floor called?
Kriplani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the 30th. floor called?
Marjani.

What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
I, Iyer, Iyengar.

What is a jiving Sardar called?
Breakdan Singh.

A well dressed man was having a dinner in "Kake Da Hotel".
After he finished his dinner, he started to wash his hands
with table and chair. The owner saw him and got real angry
and asked, "Have you had dinner in some nice hotel before?"

Man: "Ya!" "I had dinner once in Ashoka Hotel."
Owner: "There also, you washed your hands with table and chair?"
Man: "Yes, I did."
Owner: "Nobody told you anything!"
Man: "They kicked me and said
'agar ase hi karna hai to kisi Kake Da Hotel mae jake khana khaa'.

George Bush goes to a school to give a speech.

After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

"Bob".

"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions.

First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies

that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?

Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"
A differentlittle boy puts up his hand . George points him out and
asks
him what his name is. "Steve"

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.

First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!
And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw
Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for
his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed
our Pearl Harbor, get outta here.
"The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed
your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the
Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.
"Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not
me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the
same."

Once Salman Khan, Sharukh khan and Aamir Khan died and all of them went to hell. After a few days Hrithik Roshan went to pay a visit to hell to meet them. First he went to Salman. He saw that Salman was with a girl with one eye, one leg, no nose. Hrithik was surprised to see this, he asked god why did u punish Salman like this.. God said that he had commited a lot of sins.

Then he went to Aamir, he also had the same kind of girl. Again Hrithik asked the same question and God also gave he same answer back. In the end he went to Sharukh and was surprised to see that Sharuk Khan was with Cindy Crawford. He asked God that why did he gave Cindy to him, God replied, ' Cindy committed a lot of sins.'

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke.

The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane. Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane." The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack
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God finally had enough and decided to end the world. However He wanted to warn the people.

He decided to call the three most influentialpeople of the world. He therefore summoned Bill Clinton, Fidel Castro and Bill Gates into one room and told them of His plan and to go out and inform the world.

President Clinton immediately appeared on CNN and told the U.S. "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, there IS a God. The bad news is He is going to end the world.

Fidel Castro went to the Communist network and told them. "I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is, despite what we have taught all these years, there IS a God. The worse news is, He is upset. He is about to end the world"

Bill Gates turned to the internet and informed the world. I have good news and better news... The good news is, God thinks I am one of the three most influential people on earth... the better news is this that..... I won't have to upgrade Windows 98........

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you", asked Bill. Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me.

"My God, what did you tell them", asks Clinton. The driver replies, "I'm Bill Clinton's driver, and I just killed the pig".

There are three engineers in a car, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"

Bill Gates died in an accident involving a misguided pie which was thrown at him by an angry Macintosh protester. Because of his achievements in life, it was decided that he should go to heaven.

God Personally showed Bill around heaven, displaying the Waterfalls, Great Forests, Lagoon's and Wet-T-shirt contests that are held regularly. Bill was impressed by all of them and kept nodding his head in approval, which pleased God because he enjoyed pleasing others.

When they finished the tour, God took Bill into his Throne room and sat down on the blindingly shiny throne. God asked Bill how he had enjoyed heaven so far, and Bill replied;

"It's been great, but you're in my chair."

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Kerry.

Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and, as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking: 'The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.' And the Irishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English fool again.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: ?Okay! Okay! I?m a rabbit! I?m a rabbit!?

rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, ?Let?s get off the corner people.?
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, ?Let?s get off that corner? NOW!?
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, ?Well, how did I do??
Pretty good,? chuckled the vet, ?especially since this is a bus stop.?

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he?s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can?t escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, ?It?s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I?ll let you go.?
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, ?My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!?

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ENTERTAINMENT JUNCTION => Jokes / Funny Messages => Topic started by: love_hunk04 on June 16, 2006, 10:53:22 PM