Then there was the guy who loved nothing better than to sit at nearby bar for long evenings and get stoned with his cronies.

But his wife was a social climber, and was prone to having her "ladies" in for bridge etc.

This one night she didnââ,¬â,,¢t want him to be around embarrassing her, so she told him to stay out as late as he wished, just donââ,¬â,,¢t come in and make another scene.

Well, he came in the back door a little early, as she was preparing tea and some delicate little sandwiches, and was infuriated at his early return home.

"You keep your mouth shut, and go upstairs to bed," she told him.

"Oh, relax," says the husband, "I'll just take a cup of coffee, say good evening to the ladies, and I'll be gone."

"Just keep your mouth shut," says the wife. Well, when she finally went back into the living room, all the ladies were gone, and he sat there alone.

She 'flipped' and told him she was going to divorce him and take everything he had, but he said, "Wait a minute, you have to hear my side of the story. I came in here, sat down, and said good evening to the ladies, and they carried on. One lady said she was having trouble with mice in her house, and another lady suggested she stuff their holes with steel wool, and all I said was, who is going to hold their little legs while you do it?"