LETTER EX TO EX


Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you for
good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I
have
nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have
been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your
job today
and that was the last straw. Last week, you came
home
and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and
nails done,
cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes, and went
straight
to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell
me you love
me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.

Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore,
whatever
the case is, I'm gone.

P/S: If you're trying to find me, don't . Your
BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a
great life!

Your EX-Wife


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your
letter. It's
true that you and I have been married for seven
years, although
a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch sports so much to try to drown out your
constant nagging.
Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut
off all of
your hair last week, the first thing that came to
mind was "You
look just like a man!"

My mother raised me to not say anything if you
can't say anything
nice. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must
have gotten
me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped
eating pork
seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new
negligee because
the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it
was a coincidence that
my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me
that morning and
your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that
we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for
ten million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got
home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you
have the filling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your
letter that you wrote,
you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

P/S: I don't know if I ever told you this but
Carl, my brother was born as Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Your Ex-Husband