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Vatsal
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« on: December 21, 2005, 10:00:52 PM »

Enhancing Relationships . . .

Trust..
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is
broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to
suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity
may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.
She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She
repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to
cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB.
Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose
number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if
the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
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No Pointing Fingers..
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a
successful marriage. Could you please share with me our secret?" The
father-in-law
answered in a smile, "Never criticise your wife for her shortcomings or
when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her
shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than
you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are
afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he
would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is
the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one
finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
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Creating Perfect Relationships..?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and
requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable
one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good
looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing
and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my
leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when
I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to
rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you
need television."
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a
blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the
faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of
the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and
dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the
excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that
marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
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No Overpowering..
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,
or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer
all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage.
Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries
the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than
a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the
spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our
expectations..
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Right Speech..
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will
either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off
because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,
we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without
considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction
site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily!
Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way
home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me.
Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She
answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he
will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad
relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
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Personal Perception..
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be
another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On
the way home,a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride
on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on
the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and
commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride
on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife
quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How
can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no
gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.
Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you
hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing
that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey
and carried it on their shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the
donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell
into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will
everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will
be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is
clear..
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Be Patient..
This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of
his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old
son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck.
The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands
into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son
to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he
finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the
boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently
said, " Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are
my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed
suicide.
Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u
wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with
someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings
often can't. Too often we fail to recognise the difference between
the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is
greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the
actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever . . .

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