Bombay has no bombs and is a harbour not a bay.
Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a
railway station.
There is no darkness in Andheri.
Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden.
No King ever stayed at Kings Circle.
Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus.
Nor is there any Princess at Princess street.
Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel.
There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines.
The Mahalaxmi Temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi.
There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar.
Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps.
Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar.
Tram Terminus (Dadar T.T.).
Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market.
Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water.
You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street.
There are no Iron smiths at Lohar Chawl.
There are no pot makers at Kumbhar Wada.
Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and Steel market.
Null bazaar does not sell taps.
You will not find ladyfingers at Bheendi Bazaar.
Kalachowki does not have a black Police station.
Hanging Gardens are not suspended.
Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies.
Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi.
Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi.
Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi.
But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor
Bazaar!!!

THINGS TO PROVE YOU'RE A BOMBAYITE.

1. You say "town " and expect everyone to know that
this means south of Churchgate.

2. You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya
Hindi', which only Bombayites can understand.

3. Your door has more than three locks.

4. Rs 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

5. Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really
important events of life.

6. You spend more time each month travelling than you
spend at home.

7. You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall.

8. You're paying Rs 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size
of walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."

9. You have the following sets of friend: school
friends, college friends, neighbourhood friends,
office friends and yes, train friends, a species
unique only in Bombay.

10. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars
if you call the roads by their Indian name, they are
more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar Road, Altamount
Road.

11. Stock market quotes are the only other thing
besides cricket which you follow passionately.

12. The first thing that you read in the Times of
India is the "Bombay Times supplement.

13. You take fashion seriously. You're suspicious of
strangers who are actually nice to you.

14. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible.

15. You compare Bombay to New York's Manhattan instead
of any other cities of India.

16. The most frequently used part of your car is the
horn.

17. You insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and
Santa Cruz airports instead of Chatrapati Shivaji
International Airport.

18. You consider eye contact an act of overt
aggression.

19. Your idea of personal space is no one actually
standing on your toes.

20. Being truly alone makes you nervous.

21. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in
the monsoons, and actually call it ''romantic'.

22. Only in Bombay, you would get Chinese Dosa and
Jain Chicken.