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[Vatsal]

A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, calmly walked up to the
Pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to
buy
some cyanide."



The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"



The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."



The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord, have mercy! I
can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law. I'll lose
my
license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will
happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"



The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.



The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well..... now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription!!"
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An Old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside.
"Grandson, I wanna you lissina to me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome
plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex
watch instead?"

"You lissina me. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have
a
beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos.

"Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with
another man. "Whatta you gonna do then... pointa to your watch and say,
Times Up?"


-------------------------------------------------------------

God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time

> on earth. He replied saying he had three!

> Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave

> Shastri a Mercedes!

>

> Subhash Chandra Bose is asked the same question.

> When he replies he had 10 children, Godis a bit upset and gives him a

> cheaper car, the Ford.

>

> Jawaharlal is next.

> He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is

> pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.

>

> Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot.

> They ask why God hadnt given him anything.

> Gandhiji replied with anger, "Some idiot told God that I was the

> father of the nation!"

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Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.


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Teacher :Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today?
Shilpa:Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teachear:Ramya,what about you?
Ramya:Madam,,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.


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Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students


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Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE


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Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday


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Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?......
japan


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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!


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Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.


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Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.


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Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.


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Teacher: Where does God live?    
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'


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Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."


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Banta was driving back from Shimla when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hailstones the size of tennis balls pelted his car leaving it full of dents.

He drove to the nearby automotive center and asked what he should do. The mechanic explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least Rs 5,000 to repair. Banta said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it.

He decided to have a little fun and said, "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out."

Banta decided to give it a try before spending that much money. He drove home and was in the garage with his lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when his neighbour Santa came over to visit.

"What are you doing?" asked Santa.

"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car," explained Banta.

"Well silly, it's not going to work," replied Santa.

"Why not?" asked Banta.

"Because you've got to roll up the windows first."