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[Ryan Martis]

When a woman says she “needs space” what she’s really saying is, her attraction triggers are no longer flipped in your presence. The truth is, she doesn’t really know how to put into words what’s happened, all she knows is she used to feel one way around you, and now she feels another.

It doesn’t have anything to do with her “needing space,” it’s the only way she knows to verbalize the change in her feeling of attraction for you. She’s just as confused about it as you are, thinking that she SHOULD be attracted to you, but just doesn’t feel it anymore.

Keep in mind women make decisions about attraction much differently than men do. If she’s attracted to you, she’ll always want to be with you. If she’s not, then she won’t. She may not know how to express it that way, and as a result may say she “needs space,” “just wants to be friends,” “shouldn’t be dating now,” or some other stock statement that best fits her attraction towards you waning.

How do you deal with this? The best way is to not let it happen in the first place, because once it happens you have to do a lot of work to get her back. It’s certainly not impossible; it’s just a lot of work.

When you meet a woman and you’re attracted to each other, limit the amount of time you spend with her. What I mean by this is, fill your life with other things that are important to you like fitness, business, friends, learning, and other things that constitute a full life. Make her an important part of it, but only a part, and let her know the other things are important to you.

Women love men like this (for the most part), and the best women have full lives to live while you’re living yours. When you start spending too much time with her, especially if you get into a rut doing the same old thing every day, the attraction will wane. There’s an old saying that goes “passion wanes with time and familiarity” and it’s absolutely true.

But if you see her enough during the week, each time you see her will be new, and the attraction will hold. I have a woman in my life I see everyday and we talk on the phone and email, but when we meet, it’s usually for an hour and a half or two hours, not five or six. Sometimes we spend more time together, but we each have full lives, with lots of other people, so there’s always something new to talk about and experience when we spend time together. Keep the varieties going, and she’ll never need “space” you both have plenty of it.

Now, if you get to the point where she says she needs “space,” that is a major warning sign. Here’s what to do: say to her, “You know, that’s a fantastic idea, and I was just going to bring that up with you. I think it’s a good idea if we spend some time apart, living the other aspects of our lives. Let’s do that, and meet again in three days.” Then meet her again in three days, while you start doing the things you’ve probably neglected.

This can have a major effect on a woman because you’ve “stolen” the scarcity frame she was trying to set with you, and set it with her. All of a sudden she starts thinking, “why is he so excited about this, he should be pissed!?” Her mind starts to go to work and turn in on itself because you’ve just added an element of mystery and intrigue.

What usually happens is she decides she misses you after all because the attraction triggers are flipped back on. But, you can’t start spending too much time together again, because she’ll “need space.” Simply limit your time with her, develop the other aspects of your life, and if you choose, meet other women. She’ll be attracted to you all over again.