Laws of the universe.

Law of  Mechanical Repair :
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop:
Any  tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible  corner.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi :
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation  Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close  Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of  the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work,it will.

Law of Bio mechanics:
The severity of the itch is directly proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule :
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's  ugly.